Amazo vs. Absorbing Man
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They’re masters of mimicry. They dig stripes. They should, theoretically, be undefeatable, and yet the persistent continued existence of the Avengers and the Justice League is living proof that the Absorbing Man and Amazo just haven’t been able to get the job done. Perhaps they should try fighting with a shirt on?
Absorbing ManBoxer and felon Carl “Crusher” Creel was fed a potion laced with rare Asgardian herbs by Loki in an attempt by the trickster god to create a physical foil for his brother Thor. Loki’s concoction gave Creel the ability to absorb the properties of any form of matter or energy that he came in contact with. The Absorbing Man can also take on the mass of sufficiently large objects, giving him size-altering abilities. Creel can also recall previously absorbed powers. He is an immensely powerful nemesis for many Marvel heroes, including Thor, the Hulk, Spider-Man, and the Avengers.
AmazoThe mad scientist Professor Ivo created the android Amazo to steal the powers of the Justice League of America in order to help him create an immortality potion. In addition to possessing enhanced strength, Amazo was built with innovative absorption cells that allow him to replicate the abilities of any metahumans in his vicinity. The android’s powers can vary; for instance, certain incarnations of Amazo have also been able to replicate superhero artifacts, such as Wonder Woman’s lasso. All versions of Amazo have the powers of the original Justice League lineup of Aquaman, the Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman. Voting ended on: Friday April 29th, 2011, 5:00pm Miles/Amazo and Timmy / The Absorbing Man tied!
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Timmy
This is what was meant by “they dig stripes,” bee tee dub.
Miles
You picked a loser in every sense of the word.
Timmy
While I’m sure our readers appreciate you sharing what you say to yourself in the mirror every morning, I think it’s time to start arguing about this fight.
I won’t get into tactics yet, but I’ll just remind you that in the Earth X universe, the Absorbing Man killed the Avengers. As in Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. I think he can handle a tin-can version of the Super Skrull.
Miles
Amazo can “replicate the abilities of any metahumans in his vicinity,” yes?
Well. Do the math. Amazo replicates Absorbing Man who can “absorb the properties of any form of matter or energy that he comes in contact with.”
He’s like the ultimate champion! Absorbing Man doesn’t stand a chance.
Miles
Also, Amazo is calculating because he’s an android and Absorbing Man is an idiot.
No contest here.
Want to just forfeit this one?
Timmy
Oh, Miles. Your arguments are as predictable as they are flimsy. I knew you would say this! So let’s just recall that Amazo can mimic the Absorbing Man’s powers, but he’s not taking on any of Absorbing Man’s memories or essence.
Why is this significant? Because even if Amazo imitated Creel’s powers, he’d still be limited to absorbing the properties of whatever matter the battlefield is composed of. (Which maybe we should have talked about and agreed on ahead of time? Woops!) The Absorbing Man, meanwhile, can call upon and combine the properties of any materials and energy he’s previously absorbed, stuff that Amazo has no knowledge of. I can describe in detail how Creel would smash Amazo to pieces, or you can just give up now and save everyone a lot of scrolling.
Miles
Timmy
GIFSoup
Miles
hahaha the source!
Oh god. You’re such a wet blanket.
“Oh I’m Timmy, I play by the rules. I’m Mister Terrific. I’m mister ‘fair play.’ Credit every source.”
You think Gif Soup is saying to themselves, “oh fuck…those assholes ripped off our ripped off gif! We’re going to sue the pants off those nerds. That or we’ll wear skeleton costumes and chase them around the high school gym like the Karate Kid.”
Timmy
Regular readers of Contest of Champions know that I make my own rules. And then I break them.
That source marker was there automatically! I just copied and pasted the html from their site. Quite frankly, I think it makes me look like a bit of a wank and I’m upset over it!
Also, it’s not too late to spin this off into a tag team fight of Absorbing Man and the Super Skrull vs. Amazo and Metamorpho.
Miles
Well, Tim’s curmudgeon-ness aside.
I just want to point out that Amazo too can call upon previously absorbed powers. All versions of the Amazo android can retain the base abilities of the original five members of the Justice League. This might even include Superman’s powers but I’m not sure which original members Ivo considered “original” when creating Amazo. So we can just leave it at who we KNOW were original members.
So, unless the battlefield is compromised of fire (Martian Manhunters weakness), bondage shackles (Wonder Woman’s weakness), a muzzle (Black Canary’s weakness), Parallax (Green Lantern’s weakness), a room without water (Aquaman weakness) and a room without traction (Flash’s weakness) then Amazo can most certainly hold his own even without absorbing Absorbing Man’s powers.
Timmy
Ok, let me give this a shot. A Wiffle Bat factory…doused in motor oil…set on fire…with uh, a pile of muzzles and shackles lying around. So then Absorbing Man bashes Amazo with a wrecking ball made of asbestos. It could happen!
Miles
Before we continue with this fight, I think we need to figure out what the extent of Absorbing Man’s absorbing powers are.
Like, why doesn’t he absorb the silver in his breakfast cereal spoon, the porcelain from the toilet, the different forms of ground he walks. Does he transform into gravel when on gravel? Cement on cement? Cobblestone on cobblestone? Pink granite on pink granite?
How about air when he breathes air?
What happens if he touches himself?
NO! Not like that. Like if he touches his face.
There was an issue of Spider-Man where he snorted cocaine and he became cocaine and mob bosses sold him to people.
That shit happened.
I don’t think I can continue with this fight without knowing what’s going on with Absorbing Man.
These may be fictional fights, but they still need basis in reality.
Timmy
Cocaine is a hell of a drug. And I was about to say that the 70s were a hell of a decade, until I realized that this storyline was published in the 00s!
I’m operating under the assumption that the Absorbing Man has conscious control over his absorbing powers, as evidenced by the fact that he’s actually a villain, instead of a guy standing on the ground cycling through gaseous and solid states ad infinitum. I’m also assuming that while Amazo can summon Flash’s super speed, he’s not ALWAYS operating at super speed, for instance.
Also, pink granite? That’s the worst type of granite!
Miles
Hey! I resent that! Pink granite is Milford, MA’s only commodity.
Miles
Readers, this is all you need to know on who to vote for.
Amazo is a one man Justice League.
In case you don’t know who or what that is.
This is the Justice League.
You recognize most of them right? Which means you also know how popular they are. Which means you also know how powerful you can assume they are for having lasted this long as beloved characters the whole world all knows and loves.
Well Amazo has AT LEAST 6 of their powers.
PLUS, continuous upgrades to the original Amazo design make the android deadlier with each improved incarnation.
This makes him virtually unstoppable to the Justice League themselves.
What hopes does a man such as Absorbing Man, whose life was little more than that of any common criminal. He’s not intelligent. He just hits things until they stop coming after him.
He has no tact, skills or combat experience other than boxing.
Amazo, however, has strength, speed, intelligence, fighting ability, power, immortality…the list goes on.
This isn’t even a fight. This is a wank fest for Timmy to stroke his ego on thinking he’s the greatest.
Timmy
Dear readers,
These are the Avengers. The Absorbing Man killed them.
Ok, so he only killed Giant Man, the Wasp, the Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Hawkeye. But they were the Avengers, and Hawkeye had four arms! Need I remind you that a two-armed Hawkeye singlehandedly defeated the Collector, one of the Elders of the Universe. It’s safe to assume that a four-armed Hawkeye could beat the Collector and, say, the Gardner.
Anyway, I don’t see anything preventing Creel from smashing Amazo with a wrecking ball of uru metal (you know, the stuff Mjolnir is made of) and just crushing him until he’s unoperational.
Miles
One word. Android.
Sure, crushing Amazo with your big ball would incapacitate his physical form. But, how many times has Amazo come back? At LEAST 13 different times. He’s just programming. He’s a concept. He has no sentience. His only imperative is to kill the Justice League and now Absorbing Man.
It’s like if you wanted to destroy an if / else statement in PHP with a wrecking ball.
Destroying the monitor and the tower won’t do shit dude.
You’d have to kill every person who knows his programming plus every hard disk that has any of his directives, modules and technology.
That includes Ivo, Hourman and possibly any of the other Justice League.
You’ll lose this battle, I assure you.
Timmy
Oh, I’m sorry. I must have missed where it said in the title up there “The Concept of the Programming of Amazo versus The Absorbing Man.” I was under the impression we were talking about one guy fighting one other guy.
There’s a difference between “who would in a fight” and “who would win in all the fights.” And since you concede that in any given encounter the Absorbing Man is capable of incapacitating Amazo, I think I’ll start my victory lap.
Miles
Miles
“Sure, crushing Amazo with your big ball would incapacitate his physical form. But, how many times has Amazo come back? At LEAST 13 different times. He’s just programming. He’s a concept. He has no sentience. His only imperative is to kill the Justice League and now Absorbing Man.
It’s like if you wanted to destroy an if / else statement in PHP with a wrecking ball.
Destroying the monitor and the tower won’t do shit dude.
You’d have to kill every person who knows his programming plus every hard disk that has any of his directives, modules and technology.”
IE: He cannot be killed.
Suck poop.
Kevin
Sad Bill Cosby gets my vote every time.
Timmy
See, I don’t think it’s necessarily a given that Amazo will keep coming back. There’s a reason every issue of JLA isn’t Amazo vs. the JLA. Once he’s destroyed, where is the next Amazo coming from? Is there some sort of Amazo factory? Or an orchard of Amazo trees?
You’re not wrong that killing one android doesn’t necessarily kill the program. But just like your if/else PHP statement has to be entered and implemented by a human programmer, someone has to create and deploy a new Amazo. There’s nothing preventing Creel from going on to kill Professor Ivo, or for Ivo to just throw up his hands and give up. You admitted above (twice) that Amazo has no sentience. So where is the next Amazo coming from?
That was a rhetorical question. If you need me, I’ll be continuing that victory lap.
Miles
Congrats Kevin! You won an official Contest of Champions – No Prize!
Miles
Tim, that’s precisely why I said you’d have to take down Ivo, Hourman and the rest of the League and/or DC heroes who are familiar with Amazo’s programming.
Listen you are defending a very strong character indeed. But android’s, robots and cyborg’s actually get shit done. They actually have whole significant story arc’s over how deadly they are.
Ultron Imperitive. Cyborg Superman – Coast City. Solaris – DC One Million.
Absorbing Man is and always will be a common thug lacking the brains to accomplish anything of significance such as defeat a machine. (Amazo).
Miles
Also in case anyone has forgotten, this was also Absorbing Man.
’nuff said.
Timmy
How dare you. That clip was a low blow and you know it!
Margaret
Reading these arguments is like reading the Dialogues of Plato for a new age.
Also, your website is pretty.
Timmy
Also, is anyone else bothered by this? If I were looking for something about the inhabitants of Themyscira, I would have typed that!
Timmy
Quick, who would win in fight: Aristophanes or Alcibiades?
Miles
Margaret. Thank you! I’m glad you like. <3
It’s worth it knowing the fans appreciate it.
Miles
Tim, anybody else bothered by it!?
I am defending Amazo! I’ve been typing in Amazo into Google only to get Amazon suggestions for A million little pieces!!
You gotta wrap the quotes around that bitch, “Amazo” and plus sign it with + “DC” and/or “comics”
Miles
I don’t know! Are those characters in Wonder Woman comics or Hercules? Otherwise I wouldn’t know them.
Timmy
Play-Doh’s Republic.
Miles
^ You ^
Miles
Miles uses Plato’s cave joke.
Stuns Timmy.
It’s super effective.
Timmy
Miles, what’s your point?
Miles
Ha. Inside jokes are inside.
Timmy
These guys are also inside.
Miles
I, remarkably, don’t get that reference.
Sam
Wiffle Bat factory? You mean, THE Wiffle Ball factory in Shelton, CT? My hometown? If only superhero fights occurred there on a regular basis…
Timmy
Yes, Sam, THE Wiffle Ball factory in Shelton, CT. If there were ever to be a destructive battle between two superpowered, nigh-invulnerable foes, I can’t think of a better venue than Connecticut.
Also, do they give tours?
Miles
Jesus! You guys need to stop with the violence in Connecticut jokes!
Do you know what happened in Stamford, CT?
A bunch of kids died from a superpowered fight!
Bunch of assholes! Have some respect!
Miles
Readers. Do you really want to defend a character who only has one friend on Myspace?
Miles
This fight would’ve been better if it were Amazo vs. Absorbing Man’s wife, Titania.
Getting hit with a rolling pin hurts him!
Timmy
So much to dissect in this cover. 1) Why is Titania hitting Absorbing Man with like, a backhand toward-her-body motion? Who drew this, Liefeld?
2) What is this “Yes Dear” card all about? Is it a reminder? Is it the cover of a legally binding contract? Has Creel gone mute?
3) Why is She Hulk wearing what can only be described as a stripper’s tuxedo to a supervillain wedding? What purpose do those cuffs even serve!
Miles
I don’t know and I don’t care what you just said.
The trashier the better is what I always say.
Niki
I’d have to agree with miles on this one
Miles
@Niki: <3
Timmy
I’d like to thank all of my friends for voting their conscience instead of blindly just clicking on my name. I’d rather lose every one of these contests than have any of you feel guilty for not rationally considering the merits of the debate.
Miles
You’re such a snide little shit.
Timmy
What! I’m just glad that my friends have such integrity! They’re like Batman. Of course, that makes me Crazy-Quilt.
Timmy
Incidentally, 99% of the Google Image results for “crazy quilt” are actual photos of quilts. Bad job by you, Internet.
Miles
This is an intense match! Can’t wait to see what the outcome will be at 5!
Miles
Seriously though, unpredictability is Amazo’s greatest weapon. It’s always a gamble for any character to encounter Amazo as they can never be sure what powers Amazo currently has.
ie. I win this fight.
timmy
And then what happens when Creel absorbs Amazo himself? The best you can hope for is a draw, if you’re lucky!
Timmy
pwnd
Miles
ha! Tim:
“And then what happens when Creel absorbs Amazo himself? The best you can hope for is a draw, if you’re lucky!”
You called the fight! You made the tie possible!
toasty redhead
I didn’t know that.